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	Ceremony Ceremony Hints Saturday is the most popular wedding day. However many bride and grooms choose weekday weddings to help keep their costs under control. Before picking your day, check with the reception and ceremony site to make sure they are both available on your date. Living in the south you know our weather is temperamental. So choose your date with the comfort of your guests in mind. An outdoor reception in July or August can be quite miserable, not to mention, it's still hurricane season. Many brides and grooms are choosing to personalize their ceremony by writing their own vows, or special readings. Ceremony Seating Here are some traditional guidelines for seating arrangements, procession, ceremony formation, and recession. You can use these guidelines for your ceremony, or change the order or positioning to fit your style. But before you do, make sure to ask the officiant first. Seating at a Christian Ceremony At a traditional, formal Christian wedding or a large civil ceremony, the bride’s family and friends are seated on the left, and the groom’s, on the right. Use flowers or ribbon, as pew markers, to mark off the first few rows for seating for immediate family and special guests (such as the flower girl’s and ring bearer’s parents, someone giving a reading, and close relatives). Divorced parents, if they are on good terms, may sit together in the front row. However, if they are remarried or not on good terms, the parent and their spouse whom you are closest to should be seated on the first row. The other parent and spouse can sit on the third row. Ushers seat guests as they arrive, from front rows to back. Grandparents, mother of the groom (with father walking just behind), and mother of the bride. Seating at a Jewish Ceremony At a traditional, formal Jewish wedding, the bride’s family and friends are seated on the right, and the groom’s is on the left. The parents stand under the huppah during the ceremony; stepparents may sit in the aisle seats in the second and third rows or stand under the huppah if they are very close to the bride or groom. It is customary for the ushers and bridesmaids to be arranged in order of height, with the shortest attendants entering first, in all ceremonies. Procession at a Christian Ceremony Just before the procession begins in a Christian ceremony, the officiant takes his or her place, with the groom to the left, and the best man to the grooms left, all three facing the guests. The ushers may also stand at the front, or they may start the procession, walking in pairs. The bridesmaids follow them. The maid or matron of honor enters next. If you prefer, the ushers and bridesmaids may also enter together, in pairs. If you have a ring bearer and/or a flower girl they walk down the aisle just before the bride. The bride is traditionally escorted by her father, on his left arm. Procession at a Jewish Ceremony The order of the procession at a Jewish ceremony is the same as for a Christian service, except that grandparents, the groom’s parents, and the bride’s mother all join the processional. The rabbi and the cantor often lead it. Christian Formation In a Christian ceremony the ushers usually form a diagonal line, with the tallest usher taking his place farthest from the groom. Bridesmaids do the same on the left. The flower girl and the ring bearer stand just in front of the bridesmaids and ushers. When the bride reaches the altar, her honor attendant, the groom, and the best man turn toward the officiant. Formation at a Jewish Ceremony As they reach the huppah in a Jewish ceremony, ushers and bridesmaids form diagonal lines from the front poles or simply gather around the huppah; the honor attendant and best man stand next to the bride and groom under the huppah, or outside it, with the bridesmaids and ushers. The bride’s parents and the groom’s parents stand under the huppah as well. Recession at Christian Ceremony The recession beings when the bride and groom turn to each other, link arms, walk briskly (or in some cases run) back up the aisle. The rest of the wedding party follows them, also in pairs, with the women on the men’s right arms. The flower girl and the ring bearer (if they remained at the altar during the ceremony) come first, then the honor attendant and the best man, then the bridesmaids and ushers. Ushers return to assist guests and direct them to the receiving line or reception site. Recession at a Jewish Ceremony The newlyweds lead, followed by the bride’s parents, then the groom’s parents, the flower girl and the ring bearer, the honor attendant and the best man, and the bridesmaids and ushers; all are arm in arm, (the women on the men’s left arms). Immediately following the ceremony, the bride and groom often take ten or fifteen minutes to themselves in yichud, the symbolic consummation of the marriage. During this time they duck into a private room, where they have something to eat (breaking the wedding-day fast) and reflect on their marriage. When they join their guests, they are announced as husband and wife and are greeted joyously. The Guest List Deciding whom you invite can be one of the hardest parts in the of your wedding. Begin with an idea of how large you want your wedding to be. Are you envisioning an intimate gathering or a big, festive party? Do you see your reception taking place in a small garden or grand ballroom? If the setting you have in mind is too big or too small for the number of guests you have in mind, be flexible. There are many beautiful places to get married, and the most important thing is to be with the people you care about. Your budget is usually the determining factor in the number of guests at your wedding. Since caterers charge by the head, it’s best to establish the max number of people, at the same time you put a ceiling on expenses for the reception. If you’d like to entertain a crowd but don’t have an unlimited budget, consider having a buffet, which will be less expensive per person than a formal seated meal. Creating a Preliminary List The initial guest list is actually a compilation of several smaller lists. After listing close family members, attendants, and the officiant and his or her spouse (if they are to be included), the bride and groom should each write down a list of friends, trying to keep the lists equal in length; a collaborative list of mutual friends is next. Parents on both sides need to add their wish lists, which should include family members as well as their own friends and colleagues. If any parents are divorced and remarried, there could be as many as four sets to accommodate. When the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding, it’s customary that they be allowed to invite more guests. If the groom’s parents are paying, the same holds true, although in either case, if one side has a larger family, that side should be allotted more spots. If the two of you are paying for your wedding and the budget starts to become tight, it’s ok to ask parents to help cover the cost of their guests. If the guest list becomes a real strain on the budget, let your parents know that you’d like them to limit their lists. Finalizing the Guest List Once you have the preliminary list of names, it’s time to edit it down to a number your budget can actually accommodate. Family: Those family members closest to you will naturally be invited first. Space permitting, and depending on the dynamic of your families, expand your list to include more distant relatives. Friends: The names that come to mind first are clearly must-invites. Then you move into the "optionals"—those people you’d love to include if there’s room: old college roommates you haven’t seen in years or social acquaintances. You might consider drafting an A-list and a B-list, and for every person from the A-list who sends his or her regrets, you can respond with an invitation to someone on the B-list. Just make sure you send your B-list invitations out at least three weeks before the wedding. Work Colleagues: If you’re inviting only a couple of people from a tight group at the office, stay low-key about the plans, and ask them to be discreet as well. If you decide to bypass all work friends but don’t want to hide the fact that you’re getting married, the best tactic is to be as honest as possible. That goes for dealing with anyone, job-related or not. If you think someone is likely to hear about the wedding through the grapevine, better to head off any imagined slight with an explanation such as: "We’re having a very small wedding," or "I’d love to invite you, but with so many family members, we’re at our limit." Significant Others: According to protocol, the wives and husbands of guests are automatically included and addressed on the invitations. A couple that’s living together, engaged or not, is generally treated in the manner of a married couple, and both are invited. There’s no rule that you have to include girlfriends and boyfriends, although if you have space, it’s always an appreciated gesture. For couples who don’t live together, each person should receive a separate invitation. For guests who are single, it’s nice to add “and guest” to the invitation, if possible—especially if the guest may not know anyone at the wedding or if there won’t be many unattached people there. That said, weddings are expensive, so if you have to choose, you’ll probably prefer to have someone special there rather than somebody’s date whom you may not know at all. Children: Space constraints or the formality of an evening ceremony make it hard to accommodate children. If you elect to exclude kids, 16 or 18 years of age are typical cutoff points. You should never print "no children" on the invitation (and strictly speaking, parents should not bring children unless their names are specified there). To be safe, get out the word through family members. Once you decide to have a no-children policy (apart from the flower girl or ring bearer), stick to it. If you make an exception for your favorite cousin who happens to be 14, you’ll hear plenty of grumbling from parents who will wonder why their teenagers couldn’t come. Out of Town Guests: A common concern is what to do about those on the guest list who won’t be able to make it to your wedding: out-of-towners who don’t like to travel, friends whose work schedules spill over to weekends. Generally, you should you still send an invitation. Some couples worry that such a gesture reads like an overt invitation to send a gift. Most people, however, are happy to send a present and would be more offended by not being invited at all. Of course, don’t be too surprised if someone you’re sure is a nay turns out to be a yea. Many couples have been shocked by the positive responses they’ve gotten from far-flung friends and family. People love a wedding, and they will, if possible, use it as an opportunity to travel and socialize. So don’t be caught off guard: Assume that two thirds of those you invite will indeed say they’ll be there. Assuming this, you still don’t know exactly who will and won’t come even after all the responses. For one thing, there’s always the possibility of a no-show because of work, travel problems, or illness. While a buffet accommodates eleventh-hour changes more easily than a seated meal, a swift shuffle of chairs can always be done. If someone fails to show by the first course, the setting should be removed. If a guest shows up with an unexpected date, a chair should quickly be found. It’s a good idea to have a consultant to help with matters such as this.	Planner Budget Reception Parties
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Ceremony Seating

Here are some traditional guidelines for seating arrangements, procession, ceremony formation, and recession. You can use these guidelines for your ceremony, or change the order or positioning to fit your style. But before you do, make sure to ask the officiant first.

Seating at a Christian Ceremony

At a traditional, formal Christian wedding or a large civil ceremony, the bride’s family and friends are seated on the left, and the groom’s, on the right. Use flowers or ribbon, as pew markers, to mark off the first few rows for seating for immediate family and special guests (such as the flower girl’s and ring bearer’s parents, someone giving a reading, and close relatives).

Divorced parents, if they are on good terms, may sit together in the front row. However, if they are remarried or not on good terms, the parent and their spouse whom you are closest to should be seated on the first row. The other parent and spouse can sit on the third row. Ushers seat guests as they arrive, from front rows to back. Grandparents, mother of the groom (with father walking just behind), and mother of the bride.

Seating at a Jewish Ceremony

At a traditional, formal Jewish wedding, the bride’s family and friends are seated on the right, and the groom’s is on the left. The parents stand under the huppah during the ceremony; stepparents may sit in the aisle seats in the second and third rows or stand under the huppah if they are very close to the bride or groom. It is customary for the ushers and bridesmaids to be arranged in order of height, with the shortest attendants entering first, in all ceremonies.

Procession at a Christian Ceremony

Just before the procession begins in a Christian ceremony, the officiant takes his or her place, with the groom to the left, and the best man to the grooms left, all three facing the guests. The ushers may also stand at the front, or they may start the procession, walking in pairs. The bridesmaids follow them. The maid or matron of honor enters next. If you prefer, the ushers and bridesmaids may also enter together, in pairs. If you have a ring bearer and/or a flower girl they walk down the aisle just before the bride. The bride is traditionally escorted by her father, on his left arm.

Procession at a Jewish Ceremony

The order of the procession at a Jewish ceremony is the same as for a Christian service, except that grandparents, the groom’s parents, and the bride’s mother all join the processional. The rabbi and the cantor often lead it.

Christian Formation

In a Christian ceremony the ushers usually form a diagonal line, with the tallest usher taking his place farthest from the groom. Bridesmaids do the same on the left. The flower girl and the ring bearer stand just in front of the bridesmaids and ushers. When the bride reaches the altar, her honor attendant, the groom, and the best man turn toward the officiant.

Formation at a Jewish Ceremony

As they reach the huppah in a Jewish ceremony, ushers and bridesmaids form diagonal lines from the front poles or simply gather around the huppah; the honor attendant and best man stand next to the bride and groom under the huppah, or outside it, with the bridesmaids and ushers. The bride’s parents and the groom’s parents stand under the huppah as well.

Recession at Christian Ceremony

The recession beings when the bride and groom turn to each other, link arms, walk briskly (or in some cases run) back up the aisle. The rest of the wedding party follows them, also in pairs, with the women on the men’s right arms. The flower girl and the ring bearer (if they remained at the altar during the ceremony) come first, then the honor attendant and the best man, then the bridesmaids and ushers. Ushers return to assist guests and direct them to the receiving line or reception site.

Recession at a Jewish Ceremony

The newlyweds lead, followed by the bride’s parents, then the groom’s parents, the flower girl and the ring bearer, the honor attendant and the best man, and the bridesmaids and ushers; all are arm in arm, (the women on the men’s left arms). Immediately following the ceremony, the bride and groom often take ten or fifteen minutes to themselves in yichud, the symbolic consummation of the marriage. During this time they duck into a private room, where they have something to eat (breaking the wedding-day fast) and reflect on their marriage. When they join their guests, they are announced as husband and wife and are greeted joyously.

The Guest List

Deciding whom you invite can be one of the hardest parts in the of your wedding. Begin with an idea of how large you want your wedding to be. Are you envisioning an intimate gathering or a big, festive party? Do you see your reception taking place in a small garden or grand ballroom? If the setting you have in mind is too big or too small for the number of guests you have in mind, be flexible. There are many beautiful places to get married, and the most important thing is to be with the people you care about. Your budget is usually the determining factor in the number of guests at your wedding. Since caterers charge by the head, it’s best to establish the max number of people, at the same time you put a ceiling on expenses for the reception. If you’d like to entertain a crowd but don’t have an unlimited budget, consider having a buffet, which will be less expensive per person than a formal seated meal.

Creating a Preliminary List

The initial guest list is actually a compilation of several smaller lists. After listing close family members, attendants, and the officiant and his or her spouse (if they are to be included), the bride and groom should each write down a list of friends, trying to keep the lists equal in length; a collaborative list of mutual friends is next. Parents on both sides need to add their wish lists, which should include family members as well as their own friends and colleagues. If any parents are divorced and remarried, there could be as many as four sets to accommodate. When the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding, it’s customary that they be allowed to invite more guests. If the groom’s parents are paying, the same holds true, although in either case, if one side has a larger family, that side should be allotted more spots. If the two of you are paying for your wedding and the budget starts to become tight, it’s ok to ask parents to help cover the cost of their guests. If the guest list becomes a real strain on the budget, let your parents know that you’d like them to limit their lists.

Finalizing the Guest List

Once you have the preliminary list of names, it’s time to edit it down to a number your budget can actually accommodate.

Family:
Those family members closest to you will naturally be invited first. Space permitting, and depending on the dynamic of your families, expand your list to include more distant relatives.

Friends:
The names that come to mind first are clearly must-invites. Then you move into the "optionals"—those people you’d love to include if there’s room: old college roommates you haven’t seen in years or social acquaintances. You might consider drafting an A-list and a B-list, and for every person from the A-list who sends his or her regrets, you can respond with an invitation to someone on the B-list. Just make sure you send your B-list invitations out at least three weeks before the wedding.

Work Colleagues:
If you’re inviting only a couple of people from a tight group at the office, stay low-key about the plans, and ask them to be discreet as well. If you decide to bypass all work friends but don’t want to hide the fact that you’re getting married, the best tactic is to be as honest as possible. That goes for dealing with anyone, job-related or not. If you think someone is likely to hear about the wedding through the grapevine, better to head off any imagined slight with an explanation such as: "We’re having a very small wedding," or "I’d love to invite you, but with so many family members, we’re at our limit."

Significant Others:
According to protocol, the wives and husbands of guests are automatically included and addressed on the invitations. A couple that’s living together, engaged or not, is generally treated in the manner of a married couple, and both are invited. There’s no rule that you have to include girlfriends and boyfriends, although if you have space, it’s always an appreciated gesture. For couples who don’t live together, each person should receive a separate invitation. For guests who are single, it’s nice to add “and guest” to the invitation, if possible—especially if the guest may not know anyone at the wedding or if there won’t be many unattached people there. That said, weddings are expensive, so if you have to choose, you’ll probably prefer to have someone special there rather than somebody’s date whom you may not know at all.

Children:
Space constraints or the formality of an evening ceremony make it hard to accommodate children. If you elect to exclude kids, 16 or 18 years of age are typical cutoff points. You should never print "no children" on the invitation (and strictly speaking, parents should not bring children unless their names are specified there). To be safe, get out the word through family members. Once you decide to have a no-children policy (apart from the flower girl or ring bearer), stick to it. If you make an exception for your favorite cousin who happens to be 14, you’ll hear plenty of grumbling from parents who will wonder why their teenagers couldn’t come.

Out of Town Guests:
A common concern is what to do about those on the guest list who won’t be able to make it to your wedding: out-of-towners who don’t like to travel, friends whose work schedules spill over to weekends. Generally, you should you still send an invitation. Some couples worry that such a gesture reads like an overt invitation to send a gift. Most people, however, are happy to send a present and would be more offended by not being invited at all. Of course, don’t be too surprised if someone you’re sure is a nay turns out to be a yea. Many couples have been shocked by the positive responses they’ve gotten from far-flung friends and family. People love a wedding, and they will, if possible, use it as an opportunity to travel and socialize. So don’t be caught off guard: Assume that two thirds of those you invite will indeed say they’ll be there.

Assuming this, you still don’t know exactly who will and won’t come even after all the responses. For one thing, there’s always the possibility of a no-show because of work, travel problems, or illness. While a buffet accommodates eleventh-hour changes more easily than a seated meal, a swift shuffle of chairs can always be done. If someone fails to show by the first course, the setting should be removed. If a guest shows up with an unexpected date, a chair should quickly be found. It’s a good idea to have a consultant to help with matters such as this.